Stuck? Meet SCARF, Your Brain’s New Best Friend
Newsletter Issue #3
In this newsletter, I’m going to show you how to use the SCARF Model to finally get unstuck, feel more grounded, and reconnect to your flow—fast.
If you’ve ever felt like:
You’re stuck in your own head with no clear way out
Your relationships are off and you can’t explain why
Or you’re quietly questioning if what you’re doing even matters…
Then this is for you.
Because I just found a brain-based model that finally explains why we get stuck—and exactly how to reset ourselves in minutes. It’s called SCARF, and it’s been a total game-changer in how I show up in my life, relationships, and business.
Here’s the thing: your brain has five core triggers it’s always scanning for—like background apps running 24/7. When these get triggered negatively? You spiral. You freeze. You question everything.
But when you learn to recognize and reset them? That’s when momentum starts flowing again.
Most entrepreneurs have never heard of SCARF—but thanks to my mentor Andra Stefanescu, I now use it in my life and to help others as well.
When I first heard about SCARF, I almost skipped it.
I figured I already had enough tools. But once I learned how simple, relatable, and powerful it really was? I couldn’t unsee it. I started using it with clients, friends, and myself—and I’ve never looked back.
Here are a few reasons people overlook this life-changing tool:
They think it’s too abstract to apply in real life
They assume it takes too long to learn (it doesn’t!)
They’re stuck in go-go-go mode with no time for reflection
They don’t realize how quickly it can help them feel better and take action
The good news? I’m going to break it down in a way that’s simple, fun, and immediately usable.
Here’s how, step by step:
Step 1: What is the SCARF Model? (And why it matters)
SCARF is a neuroscience-based framework created by David Rock that helps you understand how your brain reacts to social situations—especially when you feel off, stuck, or stressed.
It stands for five core social needs that your brain is constantly scanning for that influence human behavior in social situations: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness.
When these needs are met, your brain feels safe—and you operate from a creative, calm, high-performing state. When even one of these is threatened? You shift into a threat response. That’s when anxiety, procrastination, avoidance, reactivity, or shutdown kicks in.
You can think of these domains as buttons that, when pressed, can either activate a threat response (leading to stress, disengagement, or resistance) or a reward response (leading to motivation, collaboration, and engagement).
For entrepreneurs, understanding these buttons is crucial for fostering better relationships, enhancing team dynamics, and creating environments that promote productivity and innovation.
Here’s an amazing diagram created by my mentor and role model, Andra Stefanescu:
Step 2: Get to Know Your Buttons Better
Now that you know the five SCARF buttons your brain is scanning for—let’s break them down so you can start to spot which one is being triggered in different situations.
Each button represents a core need. When that need is met, it feels great. But when it’s not? Your brain flags it as a threat—even if it’s subtle.
Here’s a quick overview of what each one means:
Status is about your sense of importance and value.
✅ Positive trigger: you feel respected, seen, and appreciated.
❌ Negative trigger: you feel dismissed, overlooked, or not good enough.Certainty is your brain’s need for predictability.
✅ Positive trigger: when things are clear and you know what to expect, you feel calm and focused.
❌ Negative trigger: when there’s too much ambiguity or surprise, anxiety and overwhelm creep in.Autonomy is the feeling that you’re in control.
✅ Positive trigger: when you get to choose how and when you do things, you feel powerful.
❌ Negative trigger: when you feel boxed in or micromanaged, you shut down or resist.Relatedness is about connection and belonging.
✅ Positive trigger: when you feel part of something—supported, understood, included—you thrive.
❌ Negative trigger: when you feel left out or isolated, your brain sees it as a threat.Fairness is the need for things to feel just and equal.
✅ Positive trigger: when things feel fair, trust and collaboration grow.
❌ Negative trigger: when something feels unfair—like unequal effort or unclear expectations—it creates resentment or withdrawal.
Each of these buttons gets pushed all the time in business, relationships, and day-to-day life. The key is learning to notice which one is being activated—so you can respond instead of react.
Step 3: Press Reset—Name It, Shift It, Move Forward
Now that you understand what each button means and how it shows up in your life—it’s time to use it. This step is all about creating a mini-moment of clarity: You notice what’s off, name what’s being triggered, and take one small action to shift out of the threat state and back into flow.
Here’s your 3-step reset process:
1. Name it
“Right now I’m feeling off because my [SCARF button] is being triggered.” Don’t overthink it—just go with your gut. What’s the real reason you feel stuck, anxious, annoyed, or disconnected?
2. Shift it
Take one micro-action that helps soothe or meet that specific need.
Here’s a quick cheat sheet:
3. Reflect
Ask yourself:
What shifted after I took that action?
How do I feel now?
What does this teach me for next time?
This isn’t about overhauling your mindset—it’s about giving your brain a tiny bit of what it needs so you can return to clarity, confidence, and forward motion.
Do this once, and you’ll feel the difference.
Do this regularly, and you’ll rewire how you handle challenges for good.
🧠 Want to go deeper?
Here are a few awesome resources if you want to geek out on SCARF like I did:
The SCARF Model for Psychological Safety in Groups (article)
The SCARF Assessment - This free assessment will give you a better understanding of your relative sensitivity towards different types of social drivers in each domain of SCARF®.
FASCINATING 3 min video on a fairness study done with monkeys
If this helped you feel more clear, connected, or understood—I’d be so grateful if you shared it with a friend who might need it too.
And if you’re new here and want more brain-based tools, clarity hacks, and honest conversations about building a business that actually feels good—make sure to hit that subscribe button so you don’t miss the next issue.
We’re just getting started.
—Tamar
https://constance710.substack.com/p/the-cv-that-gets-you-headhunted